Whats going on folks. I know its been a minute. If your wondering why, it's because I have been reunited with the family. My little one has got me swimming everyday...Hmmmm....As a parent, it's one of our never ending Kunundrums (spell check) we want to give our kids the best, we want excellent opprptunities available for our family, and we want everything we didnt have. Well, I moved to Charlotte, and if you have ever been here, apartment Homes are all the rage. So, thats what we did..I now live in one of them, sit back, relax, and let the office folks take care of everything for you type of complex's. I dont even have to take my trash out....Sweet.
But check this..The place comes with a nice inground pool...Sounding like a fantastic Idea....Until I learned that my 5 year old was a fish. She begs to go swimming everyday. And in this day of obesity, unhealthy snacks, and video games, as a parent, I struggle with saying no...So...What does that mean?? That means, after 9hrs at work, I have to pull 60 minutes or so in the pool. And on the weekends, I get to double that....I really have to learn to love swimming again...I loved being in the pool when I was a kid, but as an adult, it hasnt been my cup of tea...Apparently, I need to get a bigger cup, throw in some sugar, and get back to sipping tea like a bloke.

Back to the title...

Space Chimps
2008
Comedy

This Animated flick was a crack up. Its about...um...ya know...Chimps, who go to space. Duh. It was Bananas...Did you know that was coming? Sorry..
Anyways....Check this one out...I cant say much about it...I don't like to give away the movie with reviews, but I think anything I say about this one is a total spoiler.  Trust me that It was funny...My 5 year old loved it too...lol...The dancing scientist was a crack up....We need more robot gyrating, pop locking scientists in our movies... Holla!  This one gets an A- with a side of Dip n Dots (supposedly, astronaut ice cream)




21
2008
Darama

If you have ever been a fan of Poker movies, card movies, vegas flicks, or movies with some really smart azz nerds...this one is for you...I didn't bother renting this...It went straight to a blu ray purchase for me.
This kid make you say hmmmm......I mean really? His brain moves like a super computer. (bill gates, eat your heart out) He is to Math what Michael Phelps is to the Ocean. <---think about that.
Seriously...theres maybe one or two slow points, but they do this really well, add in some cute nerd girls, a small touch of comedy and a great performance by spacey and you got one intelligent rain man flick without the autism. Go for it...Dont be afraid...Rent this...and be anyone you wanna be while you watch it.. This one get a B+ with a fake mustache on the side...Did you count the letters in this post? If so...just buy the movie geek.

The Dark Knight....Batman...part....35? IDK...What this movie should be called is the Joker....BatWho?
not important. In fact, he could have just sat this one out so we could watch Heath Ledger AKA Joker walk around and rip through Gotham...I havent seen any Reports of a movie based video game for this...but if it happens...You better be able to play as the Joker...For real....I could go into this deeper...but im sure you have hear about this no non stop for the past 3 weeks...Go watch it...Do NOT take kids under 13yrs old...Its dark, creepy, and yea...dont take them. This one Gets a A+ with a napkin containing s creepy smeared lipstick smile..

2008    

Rated PG-13

(**SIDEBAR**)
______ This is something I must pose to the world of movie goers. What do you do when you watch movies? You pick a movie based on recommendations, or trailers, or previous interests...right?  Ok, so...Now that you picked the movie, you rent it or go to the theatre, download it, whatever....And what do you do then? Do you expect the movie to give you a massage or brush your hair? Maybe the movie should tell you world peace is coming and you can feel safer at night...Do you expect movies to tuck you in bed and fix the gas prices??? I don't get it....I try to...But I don't.  -----This is what I do. I pick my movie. Then I expect a certain result of entertainment from that movie. Let me break it down. If I go Watch Rambo, Or Jet Li...I expect action and a lot of whoopin ass. Based on that expectation I will Like, or Not Like the movie.  If I go see a Horror movie, I will Like or Not Like that movie Based on the Originality, the story telling, and the Overall Creep factor....This is how I go to see movies. I have a certain expectation before sitting down....Now, With Hancock...Lets think about it shall we? An Action/COMEDY starring Will Smith as an Alcoholic SuperHero.....Seriously...What do you expect from this movie? What type of movie was expected? I am not sure. The Critics are ripping this apart. And when I walked out of the Theatre Last night, So were the movie-goers. All the way down the hall I heard, "wow, that sucked", "Only the begining was good" and "there was no plot"....Am I the only one that gets it? Really? I'm the only one??
ITS A PG-13 MOVIE ABOUT A DRUNKEN SUPERHERO WITH AN ACTION/COMEDY CATEGORY!!! What type of life altering Plot do you expect?
Really....Its not based on a marvel superhero with 60yrs of relativity. Its not based on some Cult like Lord of the Rings following....It is What it is...Stop Going to see movies expecting to get a handjob in the theatre. (unless your "friend" is with you offering one)...
BE REALISTIC....Why Am I upset? I am upset because I loved the Movie....It is exactly what I expected. Goofy, Silly, Touching, and Cool as hell. Will Smith rocks as always, and Charlize theron is hot as ever...C'mon man...Lighten up critics...Geez. Your just a bunch of Haters because he went from Fresh Prince to "Im Rich Bitch"...Get over it....If You think like I do about expectations, you will Love this one....Go check it out.
This one gets a Solid B+ with a spandex suit on the side...."Thank you, Good job, Good job"

2008

Rated PG-13

Ok, I've seen a lot of movies where the main character has superhuman abilities or powers that I thought would be awesome to posses. This is truly one of them. As a kid whose mom left him, this young man can't find the middle ground. The dumb jock at school bully's him, and his dad is loud and reckless with their relationship. Enter the begining of the end...What do you do when you fall under a frozen pond? You pray to god that you will magically appear in a library next to the "WTF for dummies" book section. Once he finds his new found skill set he decides to take off, "jumping" from place to place, assuming he is the only one in the world, take doors, air planes and any form of travel NOT teleportation for granted. With power comes great responsibility. (have I heard that before?) So, enter the "bad guy"... Sam jackson, no, not wheeling a 45 talking about big macs over seas, but rockin' the bleach blonde paris hilton hair style and the Obi Wan lightsaber modified to shoot a hundred volts of electricty. Watch as our Main character dashes, leaps, vanishes, and poofs his way around the bad guys, the bullies, the girls and the ultimate responsibilities he must adhere to... Not bad...but I wanted more at the end...I guess I am the "What next" guy....This movie gets a Regular old B. Not Solid, Not flimsy, Like an 84; of course with a side plate of Stolen cash...

2007

Rated R

It took me a while to go get this one. A many men were telling me to rent this movie here yander. But, I am not a big country/western flick fan I reckon, and I hence assumed this was such......Ok the heck with all that lingo.
Seriously, I was caught off by the western appearance and I don't jump quickly at a western movie not titled Tombstone.
This is about a dude. A dude with issues. (as most movies are now a days) He's a crazy psycho genius who reminded me of the guy from SwitchBlade.... Now, I should have watched this movie twice. Why? Because there were some things I just didnt pick up on. Like, why/how is he involved in any of this? Did he just stumble into his situation? Did he have prior knowledge? We dont get much background, wer'e kinda just thrown into a story that is already unfolding.
This movie was good though. It held on to the suspense/drama filled category well and was able to please in all aspects. If you know me, or if you have read my reviews at all, you will know that I didn't like the ending. Outside of that pick this one up. Watch this nut-job air pump his way through melons, doors, and anything remotely annoying him while Woody and his buddies try to find a way to take him out. This movie gets a Solid B with a bottle of medication on the side....because apparently this dude forgot to take his.

2008

PG13

Stupidity

Ok well....You should know what to expect when renting this one. Dont expect anything superb. But you know how I know your gay? LOL...because if you are a spartan you great the males with open mouth tongue kisses and the women get Hi Fives! LOL...wow....
When the movie is over....DONT SHUT IT OFF....Let it keep playing...The best part is coming up. Leonidas starts throwing people into the Death Pit. Funny as hell. Ellen degeneres Tries to dance her way out of getting kicked in...doesnt work...Matter of fact, the Death Pit and the Paula Abdul was like the funniest thing in the movie.
Between that and Leonidas beating this Ish out of his son to tuffen him up...lol...there are some funny moments in this movie. But don't make it your first priority.
This movie gets a B- with a spray painted 6 pack...(that rating is based on knowing what to expect from this type of movie.)

2007

rated R


Ok....Um this is one where either I am all wrong, or the critics + the general population are wrong.
I would love to tell you about this movie....but it was SOOO STUPID AND SOOOO BORING, that I shut if off 40 minutes into it. Melissa Tome was the only highlight of this flick. They kept rewinding. They show you the ending like a wanna be Quentin Tarantino film, and then rewind, 3 days prior, 4 days prior...If I could rewind, I would get my money back and NOT rent this movie.  Go for it, the critics gave it an A...so what do i know....If you have read my movie reviews at all...you know I watched some movies I wasnt crazy about...But this one...I shut it off...IDK...maybe im wrong...Go rent it and tell me if I was out of my mind. I gave it a D....If you get rid of the movie itself, and keep the scenes with Melissa tome, it gets a B+ though.

2008

Rated R

Action...Lots of it.

Ok, if you like any of the Rambo movies, but you haven't seen this one...What is wrong with you! Rambo is back! This is Rambo on crack. Rambo on speed. Rambo on a big fat can of shut your friggin mouth! Holy crap, he's bigger, beefier, vein-ier, and more focused then ever.
Welcome to the new war. John rambo is a snake handler just passing his days away in thailand, down the coast from the Junta Army. Low and behold, here come some holier then thou American missionaries who want Rambo to take them up the River.  Rambo INSISTS that is a death wish...but after they beg and plead, he says "what the hell" and takes them.
And so begins the journey. I have seen some pretty straight forward violent movies....How this didnt get rated NC-17, I dont know. This shi* was sick. After watching the documentaries, it seems as straight forward as possible to show how the people of burma are treated by this army.
If you think you are a tough guy, that's fine...just dont call Rambo the boat man. He brings ne life to the bow and arrow and its awesome ness. Back with a new Knife and a new bandana, watch rambo sling, cut, and gut his way through this army of ass-men...seriously...as soon as I get my new TV, im buying this on Blu-Ray. Wow....
The critics are dumb asses. They gave this a C-...I guess theyre not fans of rambo or showing us what its really like for the burmese people. I give this Movie an A, with a side of Rambo theme music to give you goose bumps.

2007

PG-13

Fantasy

Ok, I did not read the books. I went into this film clueless about the story. At the end of the movie, I was left dumfounded....Why? because it didnt end. No sir'ee. It faded to black and like Jay Z, guranteed to make a comeback.
Blah blah blah religious yada yada. Sure, you can put this into a religious hating category...whatever. I guess. How about it's a fantasy movie about dust and bears that talk and about a lil girl who does big things...
Seriously, after I learned about all the religious flack this movie got, I did some thinking.
Did you know the Matrix could be considered religious. Neo being the 2nd coming of christ, fighting the devil machines to bring the human civilization to peace....Why? We we gotta poke religious beliefs into everything and then argue about it....
Well...anyways....It was a cool flick. These arent no coca-cola polar bears...If they are...they doped up on something straight from roger clemens' locker room. In fact...every animal is like that..
All cool and all crazy..not a whole lot I could explain. The compass isnt about directions. Its about the truth, and when you find the truth, you have to defeat the lies. But why would normal folk be able to do such things? They wouldn't. In walks the 10year old girl with all the answers. Oh well...Typical feel good....This movie was easily on its way to a B+ until the ending was left out in the cutting room. Sorry, stuck with a C+. Cool effects, cool conecpts, cool everything. Enjoy an ice cream with this one and welcome the world of fantasy without boo hooing about their religious beliefs. Maybe when and if part 2 comes out, I can feel complete and upgrade this rating.

2008

PG-13

Action/Fantasy

Did you ever hear of this one? I didn't. I saw it on a preview of another dvd and I was intrigued. What the transport dude...He's not doped up on crank, and he's not karate chopping dudes in drug trades. But he still gives a worthy performans of his raw acting and his kick you in the face i'm better then you attitude.
The story was worthy. A dad who loses his sun in a kingdom's battle over power. And his need to finish the job keeps you in the flick. However, you have to get past some things as i did to enjoy this. This is like Lord of the Rings meets sesame street. The evil army is of course some kind of creature, but my 9 year old designed the costumes...well....she didn't really...but alot of times, it felt like it. It had all the features of a B rated flick, second rate and thrown together, but the story was good. Im not lying. It was a cool idea, but with a low budget. If your bored and youd like to see this guy put a sword swinging ass whooping on some funky goons, give this a rental and enjoy. It gets a C+ with a bronze shield on the side.  The only thing that held this back from a better rating was the costumes and special effects....